Lions for Lambs

Enticed by the participation of Meryl Streep and Robert Redford in it, we went to see Lions for Lambs and were disappointed.

It is a failed attempt of Hollywood to reflect on America's War against Terror. The film starts to give the audience a delusion that it leads somewhere but ends without getting anywhere. Full of long and boring conversations, it says really nothing new but leaves the impression of being preachy, pompous and superficial. One scene was the two wounded American soldiers (formerly political science students who decided to do something meaningful and joined the army to go to Afghanistan) gathered strength to stand up on their feet to be shot dead by Taliban on a snowy plateau. This may have been designed to bring a climax to the movie with the heroism of soldiers in contrast to their commanders' hypocrisy and ruthlessness implied by its title, but it only strikes me as being a joke. Lions for Lambs is neither entertaining nor inspiring. At best, it does weakly presents a trace of a shattered society, which had been permanently feeling well, high, chosen, proud of their WAY OF LIFE, now struck to the heart when they try to force this way of life out of their own border.

I hate to see Redford and Streep's involvement in a low quality production like this, although they performed at their level. Tom Cruise, with his typical fake smile, fits well into his role as a Republican presidential hopeful. Anyways, I don't recommend this movie.

水上的大鸟 Big Birds over Water

从南丫到中环的渡轮上, 瞥见大鸟般的鱼舟, 觉得很美, 很安宁。 Big fishing birds on the water, seen on a morning ferry from Lamma Island to Central.

生如夏花 Life Like Summer Flowers

今年国庆维多利亚港又放烟花。这是我从来看不腻、永远看不腻的。那黑暗夜空中骤然释放的极短暂却极热烈的美，是我在现实中能看到的与梦幻最接近的东西。当辉煌燃尽，浓烈的色彩化为点点星火慢慢消逝，而天空又恢复了夜色中的沉默，我想起我最喜欢的诗人泰戈尔在《飞鸟集》中的两句：“让生如夏花之绚烂，死若秋叶之静美”。

让生如夏花之绚烂，死若秋叶之静美，这正是我想活出的生命。

On the National Day there was firework display in the Victoria Harbour again. I can never get tired of fireworks. The transient but extremely powerful explosion of beauty in the dark evening sky is something in reality that is most close to a dream. When the splendid flame came to an end, the intense colours subsided into twinkling stars before they finally disappeared. Now the sky resumed the colour of the night and the sound of silence. At the moment, I remembered something Tagore wrote in his Stray Birds: “Let life be beautiful like summer flowers, and death like autumn leaves.”

Let life be beautiful like summer flowers, and death like autumn leaves. This is the way of life and death I will live and die.

大芬油画村 Dafen Oil Painting Village

深圳没什么可看的,连独特的购物去处也少见,却有一个特别的地方, 大芬油画村。 这是龙岗区一个0.4平方公里左右的社区，据说有5000多个艺术家和画匠栖居于此，开有700来家画廊，主要出售原创油画和复制名画。接近村口时已看到楼上的标语：“艺术与市场在这里对接，才华与财富在这里对换。”

进到社区里，看了摆在店里的作品，大失所望。真是只见市场不见艺术，只见金钱不见才华。满街的店铺满眼的画，却不觉的它们与文化艺术有任何关系，到是与家居装修建材城一类靠得更近。仔细一点，可以看得出大部分作品还是出自训练了多年的手。想想这些曾经怀着热情、憧憬拿起画笔的人，历尽寒窗之苦，练就了一种丰富美好的表达方式，却没有表达的自由，久而久之心里连表达的内容与愿望也消失了。若是他们知道有一天会来到陌生城市的一个小阁楼里，毫无创造性的复制他人作品，或为了迎合市场的低俗品位堆砌些刺眼的青山绿水，他们最初还会选择拿起画笔么？可悲的是，我几乎可以肯定，来到大芬村，丢弃艺术，背叛才华，并不会带来与这种牺牲对等的财富，如果真的存在这样的对等。

我们站在大芬的一间被耀眼日光灯照得象快餐店一样雪亮的所谓画廊前，看到多少梦想在这里破碎。

There is a special place in Shenzhen called Dafen Oil Painting Village. It is a community of 0.4 square kilometres in Longgang District, boasting more than 5,000 artists and close to 700 galleries. This is a base of mass oil painting production in China, exhibiting original work as well as reproduction of master pieces. Approaching the entrance of the community, one can spot a slogan high up on a building: “Here art merges with market; talent brings wealth.”

A stroll through lanes lined with shops of painting only brought great disappointment. Prevalent here was the vulgar of the market that has engulfed artistic talents. Works of paintings piled up like building boards in construction material warehouses, resembling nothing cultural or artistic, although observed more closely, some of these works did tell of the skilful and trained hands that created them. Obviously, many artists who dwell and work in Dafen have gone through rigorous training from very young and acquired the skills that would open rich and beautiful ways of expression. Sadly, the freedom of expression does not naturally come with it, and with the lapse of time, passion of expression also disappears. If they had known that one day they would belocked up in a little corner of a strange city, copying other people's work or producing tasteless chunks of loud colours to meet the market demand, would they have picked up a painting brush in the first place? What's more tragic, I believe strongly, the heavy sacrifice of giving up their artistic yearnings and betraying their own talents will not bring the justifying wealth, if there is such a thing of "justifying wealth" at all.

Standing outside a so-called art gallery lit up like a fast-food restaurant, we had to lament a complete surrender of the purity of art to ruthless commercial pursuit. Dafen Village is, indeed, a village of broken dreams.

画、歌声和四川菜 Paintings, Singing & Sichuan Kitchen

又去了香港著名的私房菜”四川菜大平伙”,上次去还是在两年前了。那时很喜欢这里，布置不俗，菜好。丈夫招呼客人，太太掌勺。墙上的画和女主人饭后的献声，告诉人们他们的艺术背景，显出了与一般食府的不同。

这次去感觉变了。菜还是原来的菜，一样的好味道，不知为什么没了原来的红火劲儿；画还是原来的画，黑白旧照仍是太太年轻时的美丽容颜，却充满逝者如斯的伤感；最后女主人走出厨房由丈夫一一介绍给食客，两个人脸上都是充满疲惫的笑容，友善却无奈而强求。而令人最不人闻不忍顾的还是太太最后的歌。唱的是“茉莉花”，本是轻松的江南小调，她唱的声音和表情真如杜鹃啼血，起调之高太难为自己了。我断定在座的没有一个听得舒服，却也没有一个忍心跟她说“这最后一道免了吧”。满屋的过去，都是死的记忆，恐怕只有这几分钟是最后一个坚守的角落，艺术的过去今天就只活在这几分钟。

艺术与生存总是一个令人徒生感慨的话题。宁愿不食人间烟火的艺术家们为了活也要吃饭。开了餐馆的，还要给别人做饭吃。起初恐怕还有赚钱支持自己艺术追求的愿望，但日复一日年复一年的在菜场厨房度过，艺术的热情和天赋在日出日落间不知不觉的消失了。过去的梦再也无法带入未来，却又不愿彻底忘却，就有了这让人听着伤心的歌。为了她这个最后的角落，我还是会去“大平伙”，并且会坐到最后，为她鼓掌。

宁静的清晨 Peaceful Morning

周日的早晨, 南丫还未完全从沉睡中醒来. Sunday Morning. Lamma is still half asleep.

礼仪之邦的虚名 Chinese Told to Behave

记得刚刚上学的时候老师向我们描述中国是一个什么样的地方, 被重复最多因而也给我印象最深的是"中国是地大物博的文明古国和礼仪之邦"。在认字足够多后，爸爸送了我一套两册的少儿读物《上下五千年》，讲述从黄河流域起源的这个民族的历史变迁和文化传统，更加深了我对这种描述的认同、理解和随之而来的自豪。而对礼仪的具体概念，则是在日常生活的待人接物中， 甚至象吃饭的规矩这种小事中形成的。

孰料今天的中国国民需要政府颁布准则和公约来鼓励最基本的文明行为和礼仪，真是举世罕见，令人啼笑皆非。随着中国人因其不文明的举止而有望替代美国人成为世界上最不受欢迎的游客，恐怕政府明知这样的准则会遗笑大方，也不可不为了。 准则真是涉及了如何穿衣、说话、吃饭、上厕所，最讲脸面的国人难道不觉得这个丢尽了脸面吗？(内容在http://www.cnta.gov.cn/zhuanti/tssz-mb/zn.asp)也许是怕即便这样，有些人还是不能检讨自己的行为，国家旅游局又煞费苦心地编出了中国公民旅游常见不文明行为(http://www.cnta.gov.cn/zhuanti/tssz-mb/bx.asp), 叹为观止。我看这文件还是永远不要落到外邦人手里为妙，他们已经在质问"中国五千年的文明在哪里"。

看来礼仪之邦已然徒有虚名。走在故乡北京的街头，我感到深深的失落和悲伤，好象失去了一个自己内心珍藏多年的宝贝。一个归宿荡然无存了。礼仪的缺失其实只是表面。我相信只有一个从容、大度、有着笃定生活目的和价值体系的民族才会表现出自己与他人和环境交流时的高尚礼仪，而这都是我们现在所缺失的。传统中国的行为准则基础"仁、义、礼、智、信" 显然已经不是今日中国的行为基础。新加坡前总理李光耀先生曾建议将流行的"中国的崛起"的提法改为"中国的复兴"，我想传统文化的复兴应该是中国复兴的核心。何日我们能看到吾国与吾民再次屹立于世界的东方，让全世界不仅看到我们的今天，并从今天看到我们五千年的文明历史？

When I first attended school, teachers tried to describe China to us. The most frequently heard and therefore most remembered description was "China: a nation of vast land and resources, of a long, splendid civilization, and of ceremony and propriety." As I learned enough characters to read, I got a book from my father titled Up & Down the Five Thousand Years. It was a narration of a people originated from the Yellow-River basin, who had witnessed the rise and fall of numerous dynasties and cultivated hundreds of schools of thoughts and philosophies that had combined laid the foundation of a deep cultural heritage. As a young descendant of such a people, I started to grow a strong pride inside. Speaking of propriety, the concept had become specific daily behavioral and moral rules governing everything down to the table manners.

Who would have thought that today, Chinese citizens, descendants the world's longest civilization, have given the government no choice but to publish guidelines to encourage civilized behaviors, even the act would obviously become a joke to the rest of the world. Due to their crude behaviors, Chinese are replacing Americans to become the most unwelcomed tourists internationally. The guidelines touch upon everything including how to dress, talk, eat and use a toilet. (Full text in Chinese at http://www.cnta.gov.cn/zhuanti/tssz-mb/zn.asp). Renowned for saving face by all means, my compatriots, don't you agree that this was a smash right on the face?! Perhaps for the fear that people would not naturally establish any connection between their own behaviorst and these guidelines, the government went on to publish a list of the most common uncivilized behaviors among the Chinese citizens. (Full text in Chinese at http://www.cnta.gov.cn/zhuanti/tssz-mb/zn.asp) I hope this list will never fall into any foreign hands. They are already asking where the five-thousand-year civilization is.

Apparently, little is left but the undeserved reputation. Walking along the small lanes in Beijing - my hometown, I was struck by a deep sadness and disappointment, as if I had lost a treasure long cherished in my heart. A final home to return to had vanished. Absence of decent behaviors is only an expression. Under it is the loss of a calm and magnanimous attitude from a steadfast life goal and strong sense of security. These are what have been taken away from the hearts of the Chinese people over the past century. When commenting on the popular notion of "the Rise of China", Singapore's former prime minister, Lee Kuan Yew, asked:"Why not call it a renaissance, a return to a golden age when poetry, painting, clothes, music and drama flourished?" I do wish someday came the true renaissance of Chinese civilization and today's rise of an economic power lacking cultural and moral underpinning proved to be a painful but necessary prelude.

雨季尼泊尔 Nepal in the Monsoon

从尼泊尔回来了, 带着对那雨季中的山山水水的梦幻般的记忆, 回到实实在在的生活, 发现两样都是好的，发现自己原来愿意是一个有线的风筝，一张有港湾的帆，旅行的兴奋和归家的快乐感觉都要。

七月是尼泊尔的雨季高峰。每天清晨必从雨声中醒来，然后等着云慢慢升起，雨也变成了飘在风里的细丝，便可开始一天的活动了。大部分时间是雾蒙蒙的，看不到雪峰连绵的壮观景象。在山间小径前行，只有自己和旅伴，间或有一个衣着破旧却色彩鲜艳的农妇出现在雾中，感觉极其不真实，却又极其美丽。是的，即便在云雾笼罩的雨季，尼泊尔的色彩也令人难忘, 是妇人裙裾间的绛红，是阳光偶尔透过云缝射在山野中的翠绿。

尼泊尔人有少见的平和、友善，许多时候安静得仿佛是自然的一部分，深藏着某种与生俱来的笃定。这是否与他们的信有关？这信绝不仅是去寺庙烧香朝拜，去摸一下街角的铃铛，或是往额中眉间点一点红。这信不在行动中，却好象在不思考、不忧虑和不行动中。一个坐在石阶上的老人，如一尊雕塑，脸上看不出什么表情，好象世界和时间都与他无关。可是他忽然在你身后说一句短短的话，你奇怪地觉得他刚刚告诉了你一个秘密，一个有关一切人事变迁和斗转星移的秘密。

雨季中的尼泊尔是世外桃源。我们说好了再来，或者在明年春天, 来看喜玛拉亚的晴天, 看雪峰间的日出日落，想象中那一定会是终生难忘的。

(尼泊尔的两组照片在“透过我的镜头”中)

Back from Nepal, back to daily life with a dreamlike memory of the waters and hills in the monsoon Himalaya. Like the open sea and a harbour to a sail, the excitement of a journey and the calmness of a home are both invaluable to me.

The end of July was the peak of Nepal's monsoon season. Every morning we woke up to hear the rain drops knocking at the windows. As the clouds rose slowly with the temperature, the heavy shower gradually subsided to a mist. The snow-capped Himalayan peaks would still hide in the clouds, for days and weeks. Despite the weather, day trips to the top of nearby hills were very pleasant. On the winding trekking trails, the complete quietness and greenness enshrouded us. Nothing was heard but the footsteps of my travel companion and me. Occasionally in a distance, a local woman would appear in a worn but very colourful Nepali dress. This looked extremely unreal yet extremely beautiful. The colours of Nepal are unforgettable, in a grey backdrop of the foggy monsoon season. It was the dark red skirt a woman walked around in, or the bright green the hills exhibited under a thread of sunshine momentarily breaking through the clouds .

The Nepalis displayed a friendliness and calmness rarely seen in other peoples. Their presence was so peaceful that you took them as a natural part of their surroundings. There seemed to be a deep steadfastness that they were born with. Can I read this as a demonstration of their faith? Such a faith does not stop at stupas, street-corner bells or the redness Nepalis put on their foreheads. It does not manifest itself in actions, but in non action. An old man sat on a stone like a sculpture, motionless and expressionless, as if he was an outsider to the world and the time. However, when he murmured something as you walked past him, you had the strange feeling that he had just revealed a secret, a secret that carried an Answer to The Question.

Nepal in the monsoon is Shangri-la. We will come back to it, perhaps next spring, to see the fine days in Himalaya and to watch the sun rise over the snow peaks. That scene, I imagine, will stay with me as long as I live.

(Two sets of pictures from Nepal are in the section “Through My Lens”)

紫禁城里的星巴克 Starbucks in the Forbidden City

一个多星期前，在紫禁城里开了7年的星巴克关了，迫于大众舆论的压力。据说网上几十万人慷慨激昂、各抒己见，很多人认为故宫里开星巴克，是美国的消费文化直挑中国传统文化的底线, 不可容忍。就是星巴克最后连招牌也摘了，静悄悄的卖它的咖啡，也难逃此劫。一个外国平民大众的连锁咖啡馆落户曾经壁垒森严的古老皇家圣地，许多人看着不顺眼，似乎可以理解。毕竟星巴克与故宫是两个太鲜明的符号，很容易挑动一个正在重拾自信的民族的敏感神经，唤起它的集体记忆。

2000年星巴克受邀入驻故宫，虽也有非议之声，但远不及今日受关注的程度。或许人们已经开始从无休止的物欲中抬起了头，从一味崇洋从摆脱出来，开始审视生活中对传统与文化的需要。若果真如此，倒值得庆幸。怕的是对中国文化遗产未知一二，对如今金钱至上诚信全无的社会行为缺乏反思，只求一个脸面。 若是抓住一个并不张扬的星巴克不放，却对同在皇城的喧嚣得多的另一家咖啡店和午门内出售低劣商品的众多摊贩视若无睹，只因他们是自家人，那就有了幼稚的民族主义膨胀之嫌，缺乏泱泱大国的气度了。

About a week ago, Starbucks closed its shop in the Forbidden City in Beijing, submitting to the pressure from hundreds of thousands of Chinese blasting the Internet with protests. People fiercely voiced their intolence of a Starbucks in the Forbidden City. Most argued that such a humiliation to the Chinese cultural heritage lodged by American consumerism should not be allowed. Even in the end Starbucks took down its logo to quietly run its coffee business, it was still not left alone. It is understandable that many people feel uncomfortable about a foreign grassroot coffee chain taking a place in the ultimate royal palace that had been forbidden to all but the royal blood. Afterall, Starbuck and the Forbidden City are each too prominent a symbol, well representing the cultures that have produced them. Easily can they touch the sensitive nerves and trigger the collective memory of a nation that has suffered great humiliations from various foreign attackers in its modern history and of a nation that is regaining a pride and confidence with the brisk pace of economic development and wealth accumulation.

Interestingly, the very Starbucks shop was opened in the Forbidden City in 2000 upon inviation from the Palace Museum located inside. It had been in operation since. Although protests were heard from the start, the scale was far weaker than this time. Encouraging it is, if it sends a signal that more Chinese people are coming out of a restless materialistic pursuit, from a total devotion to getting rich, and from blindly embracing all that's foreign. Still encouraging, if people are starting to realize the important role their cultural heritage takes in their lives. However, when one sees that nobody had a word against another coffee shop inside the City, far more noisy and aggressive, or about the vendors selling subquality, tasteless souveniors along the City's major corridor, just because these are run by our own countrymen, one is inclined to believe that the protest again Starbucks is simply another act of "face-saving", an exhibition of naïve natioanlism that is not founded on a deep understanding of our own culture or on a sincere reflection of the recent social behaviours that had gone too far from such a cultural root.

石头、剪子、布 Rock, Paper, Scissors

中午偷闲到太子大厦的一家书店转转，在满架有关美国总统竞选的书中看到美国前副总统戈尔写的新书 The Assault on Reason。撇开书中对美国政治的分析和对现政府的抨击不谈，有个类比觉得有意思。他说恐惧、理性和信仰的关系就像儿时玩的游戏石头、剪子、布，恐惧破坏理性思维，理性挑战信仰的真实，而信仰征服恐惧心理。

说起石头、剪子、布，还很有几分亲切感，小时候最常用这个来决定某项优先权。无论你出石头、剪子还是布，都有可能赢，结果取决于对方出什么。玩儿着玩儿着，发现还有心理战术，可以根据上一局双方的出招猜测这一局对方最有可能出什么。 后来发现外地小孩儿也玩，然后发现外国人也玩儿。后来在商学院教授解释博奕论的时候，我又想起了这个童年的游戏。

我觉得这个游戏深具中国文化特色，甚至猜测它起源于中国，也确实听说在十九世纪的欧洲作品中提到它时候称之为“一种亚洲的游戏”。中国文化对各种力量之间彼此作用角逐最终达到平衡和谐的独特理解在这个游戏中颇得体现。传统的中国文化似乎不太看重逻辑思维，所以也就不受A比B强，B比C强，所以A一定比C强这种逻辑的限制，灵活而通融。传统的中国人深谙一物降一物的道理，所以再强也懂得收敛。在中国经济飞速发展财富骤增的今天，在有些人开始忘乎所以忘了天高地厚在巴黎的名牌店里挺着大肚子颐指气使的今天，希望我们还能记起儿时玩过的这个石头、剪子、布的游戏。

Rock, Paper, Scissors

I snatched a moment during lunch break at a bookshop and browsed through a new book written by Al Gore titled The Assault on Reason. One analogy he made reminded me of a childhood game. He said, the relation among fear, reason and faith is similar to that of rock, scissors and paper. Fear displaces reason, reason challenges faith, and faith overcomes fear.

The game “rock, paper, scissors” touched the reminiscences of my younger days, when we used the game for all kinds of random selections. Rock, paper and scissors all had a chance to win, depending on what gesture the opponent decided to make. Having played more, I found the result was not always random because after a few rounds the opponent’s pattern of behaviour could be exploited. Later I found kids from other cities also played the same game, so did kids from other countries. Years later, it reappeared in my mind when I was sitting in the lecture on Game Theory at my business school.

Although played world-wide, this game exhibits a strong flavour of Chinese culture. I even suspect that it originated in China. Did I hear that it was labelled “an Asian game” in the works of European authors from the 19th century? The unique interpretation of rivalry and interaction among various forces and the hope for these forces to enter into a final state of balance and harmony form an important aspect of Chinese culture, quite vividly expressed in this game. It appears that traditional Chinese culture does not emphasis logic thinking, and is beneficially not restrained by the logic such as: A is stronger than B, B is stronger than C, and therefore A must be stronger than C. A traditional Chinese man understands too well that anybody has a natural enemy and can be vanquished; however strong, he always behaves modest and mild. At a time when China is experiencing brisk economic growth and fast accumulation of wealth, and at a time when some people get swollen-headed, forget the height of the heaven and the depth of the earth, I hope we can still remember this game everybody has played in his childhood. Rock defeats scissors, scissors defeat paper, but paper defeats rock.

往事并不如烟 Past Is Never A Wisp of Smoke

七月七日是卢沟桥事变爆发纪念日。七十年前的这一天，北京南郊日军借口失踪士兵要求进入宛平县城遭拒后炮轰宛平。从此，抗日战争在中国战场全面展开。（历史细节可参看http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marco_Polo_Bridge_Incident）枪炮声粉碎了芦沟晓月的安详与宁静. 此后长达八年之久,“月圆之夜人不归，花香之地无和平。”

最近读已故华裔作家张纯如的《南京大屠杀》（Rape of Nanking），这场二战中鲜为人知的大屠杀发生在卢沟桥事变五个多月后，远东军事法庭的死亡未武装军民人数是二十六万。日方承认屠杀的发生，但不确认数字。（日本官方立场参看 http://www.mofa.go.jp/policy/q_a/faq16.html#q2) 书中揭露的日军暴行实在超出正常人可以想象的范围，我无法描述看到历史图片时的震惊与悲愤。 记起二十几年前我还在读中学时认识了第一个南京人，只比我大几岁，提起日本，只有恨。而到了一两年前，一位北京的密友托我在香港买一架数码相机，特别嘱咐，“不要日本货，好也不要”。我说除了日本货没什么选择了，回答是“看看韩国的吧。”

中国人的反日情节前一阵因种种事件常常成为话题。跟西方的朋友讨论的时候，几乎每次都被问同一个问题：“你只拿日本的态度跟德国比，大跃进和文革中死了多少人，怎么没人要求正式道歉啊？”我说这是应该分别讨论的话题，一个人为的灾难不能成为其他不相关暴行的借口。然而这些现代史上的大灾难，无论发生在哪里，都将人性中的软弱、黑暗、残忍和个体生命之间的彼此践踏暴露到极致。给予一定的环境，即便是平日善良、平和的普通人也会被英雄主义、宗教热情、私欲和权利的追求所充满，或是迫于极端恐惧，犯下连他自己也想象不到的恶行。可怕的是，每一个人心中都有这样的种子。

也许这是我们更应记取的。往事并不如烟。

July 7th was the 70th anniversary of the Marco Polo Bridge (Lugou Bridge) Incident. On this day seventy years ago, the Japanese Army deployed outside Wanping Town in southern suburb of Beijing requested to enter the town to search for a missing Japanese soldier. When the request was denied, the army started bombarding the town while the infantry with tanks marched across the Bridge. Sino-Japanese War since exploded in full scale. (Refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marco_Polo_Bridge_Incident for details) The war lasted 8 years.

About five months after the incident, Nanking Massacre took place. Iris Chang, in her book Rape of Nanking, referred to the massacre as the unknown holocaust of WWII. International Military Tribunal of the Far East estimated that more than 260,000 noncombatants were systematically raped, tortured and murdered in Nanking. The Japanese government acknowledges the occurrence of the massacre but not the number of lives lost. (Find the Japan's official position at http://www.mofa.go.jp/policy/q_a/faq16.html#q2). The violence, brutality and total disregard for human life exceeds any imagination that can be fostered by a normal human being. The shock, grief and indignation I experienced when I saw the historical pictures were beyond words.

I remember about 20 years ago being a high-school student, I got to know for the first time somebody from Nanking. Just a few years older, he exhibited such hatred when he heard the term “Japan”. Then one or two years ago a friend asked me to buy a digital carema from hong kong but specifically reminded me not to buy Japanese brand even they were better in quality. I asked "what's left except these Japanese brands". The answer was “please try the Korean ones”.

Due to several recent incidents in the Sino-Japanese relation, the anti-Japanese sentiment in China has occasionally become a topic in discussion. I was often challenged by the question, mostly raised by Western friends, “You Chinese only compare the attitude of government of Japan with that of Germany. How come nobody has ever asked for apology and compensation for lives lost during the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution?” I would say these are separate topics and one man-made disaster should not become the excuse for an un-related atrocity. In retrospect, when I look at all these catastrophes in contemporary world history, regardless of where they took place among which ethnic groups, they all exposed to an extreme extent the weakness, darkness and brutality as part of human nature and the cruelty one individual life exhibits to another. Given certain environment, an average kind and mild person can commit a crime even beyond his own imagination, overwelmed by fear or inspired by heroism, religious passion, or pursuit of self-interest and power. What is horrifying is the seed of this part of human nature exists in each of us.

Perhaps this is what we can learn from the history. Past is never a wisp of smoke.

宗教 Religion

若干年前的一个冬天在北京的一辆公共汽车上，我的头脑忽然莫名其妙的被死亡这个概念弥漫，并初次体会到对死亡的恐惧。我到现在也清楚地记得，在这辆公共汽车颠颠荡荡中，我开始思考有关永恒，以及一个脆弱的生命如何得以与永恒相连，并找到在存在一次的意义。

各种宗教似乎都与解释这个意义有关，告诉人生命从哪里来，到哪里去，现在应该遵行怎样的行为准则才能死后上天堂或者脱离轮回的苦海。我从小的教育断然地、绝对真理般的灌输给我无神论的世界观，称宗教为精神的鸦片。到了美国，虔诚的基督徒颇具爱心的将我带进他们的聚会，希望我经过洗脑接受他们的主基督也做我生命的主，告诉我这是生命的活水。世界上大多的主要宗教似乎都强调信徒聚集崇敬他们所信的神并彼此沟通的重要，就连崇尚自我修行、远避尘世的佛教也有此趋势，这样就把信徒带到了团体中，成为了被组织起来的个体。人的组织毕竟是人的组织，无论初衷是多么圣洁。宗教组织由于其自称的与天地之主宰者的关联和对生命真理的掌握，为他们的任何行为找到了借口。纵贯教会的历史，黑暗、血腥、杀戮比比皆是，所以当美国总统布什用“crusade”这个词的时候，世界上多少人不寒而栗。
我开始相信人对永恒的追求和与永恒的最终相连是每一个个体的孤独的心灵之旅。这是超越于任何宗教团体之上的更勇敢、更纯粹的精神诉求，可以与任何宗教无关。高行健有一本书叫《一个人的圣经》，是他自己放逐生活的记录。我还没读过这本书，但喜欢这个书名。最后的时刻每一个人都是独自推开那扇通往未知的门，希望我们手里捧着的、属于我们自己的这本圣经，能让我们平安对待我们可能看到的一切。

梦想 Dream in Life

早晨起得早，外面下着大雨，拿出买了很久却一直没机会看的电影《孔雀》，看了一部分。一整天电影里的一组镜头总在眼前回映。女孩儿骑着一架28男式旧自行车，车后拖着一个天蓝色的小降落伞，车前行时起的风将小伞托起，在女孩儿身后飞舞。女孩的脸上满是快乐，她甚至松了车把，手臂在身体两侧延伸开去，象飞一样。这个情景让我想起电影的名字：孔雀。原来女孩一心想当伞兵，却没有被录取，就自己在家踩缝纫机，作了这个自行车牵起的伞，给自己的梦想一次短暂的实现。这个过程中的稚幼，执著和几分癫狂，给我的眼睛蒙了一层泪。

想起小时候写作文，常常得到有关理想的命题，但不记得在什么时候有老师让我写过有关梦。或许是社会主义的学校不推崇唯物范畴之外的东西。梦想被关在遥不可及的虚拟状态里，犹如水中月，镜中花，并不被正面鼓励。而山山水水地走了这些年，此时我却深刻地感到人生如梦的美丽，被梦想牵引和塑造的生活的不同。它其实离现实是多么的近，生于热望，长于破碎，在你的心孕育它的时候，它已是你人生一个真实的部分，而当你伸手触到它的一刻，它成为了你的历史，并且如同所有历史一样改变了你的人生。

梦想的障碍有许多外在的，更多是内心的。梦想和现实或许只是从两个不同的方向去接近同一个存在，或者原本就是同一存在的阴阳两面。没有梦想的人生是不是只活出了它原有丰富内容的一半？

有梦的人生美丽如蝶，蜕变的痛苦让这美丽灿烂并持久直至生命的终结。但愿梦想能伴随我一路，并燃亮它的尽头。

父母 Parents

5月8号是妈妈的生日。我打电话祝贺的时候，她特别高兴，但是说她和爸爸商量以后不过生日了。我没有问为什么，但心里明白她不想庆祝自己走向衰老也不想一年一度的被提醒那最后一刻的靠近。我身在千里之外，每次回京见他们，也感觉到时间的脚步从未停息。

父母曾经是我的屏障，很多年，就是我自认为很独立、四海为家，与他们远隔千里的时候，也是。世界上许多东西只有在失去时才体会其珍贵。我想理解父母对我生命的全部意义的这个过程，也只有在我们天人永别这一刻才能完成。有了自己的孩子，是对这个过程的大大促进，儿子对我毫无保留的爱、信任、依赖，让我知道我在他生活里的位置，也更促我回想在我的成长中父母所给与我的。

人至中年，每一个日子里所面对的种种起伏，现实的、情感的、心灵的、精神的，似乎是父母所无法参与的了。我知道他们仍然渴望参与，从每次接到我电话的兴奋，我知道，那种爱、牵挂、和给我保护的意识从未改变。但我们毕竟是远了，我们的关系中也增添了新的内容，就是我该给与他们的支持，在他们变老变弱略显孤单的时候。他们要的很少，一点安慰、一点陪伴和一点分享吧。我所做得更少，可能就连他们所希冀的一点点也没有给全。

我想有一种方式，让我能真正了解我父母的一生。我渴望象成人的朋友之间的对话，让我知道给与我生命的这两个人，在他们的一生中究竟经历了什么、梦想过什么；为什么而快乐、而忧伤……我对父母的了解少得可怜。多年的分离让我们就是坐在一处时所能谈得也有限。虽然我知道，我们之间这一种爱是不依赖于任何东西而存在和延续，但是渴望有一些时刻能让我走进他们的历史和内心，真正认识世界上最疼我和爱我的这两个人。

家 Home

从没想过在一个嘈杂而物质的城市的近旁找到了一个家。三十分钟的船程，完全两样的世界 - 那一侧是Asia's World City, 这一侧是海水和阳光簇拥的绿色村庄。走在名为榕树湾大街却只有两三米宽的街市上，似乎每一个人都认识你，跟你点头打招呼。再不久，就真的开始在头脑里编织关于他们每个人的故事了， 对他们感兴趣了，好像这是一群跟自己很近，很有关系的人。人之间亲近感的形成很有意思。在夜晚的山坡上你抬头看见满天的星，你兴奋地寻找自己所认识的那几个有限的星座， 这是你感觉到近旁一个路人眼中的笑意， 这亲近感瞬间就来了，虽然擦身而过之后还是陌生人，但是心里可能有的孤独感忽然没了。家是一个没有孤独感的地方。南丫岛就在这个意义上成为了我的家。